Christmas can be such a joyous time for many of us and for others it can be challenging. It can stir up old wounds and past hurts or resentments especially when dealing with family members or anticipation of family gatherings. This is where we need to be strong with our boundaries.
This is the time of year when we have a tendency to shut down, avoid the uncomfortable confrontation, and the difficult conversations. This can result in anger, resentment, and stress.
We might fall into those past conditioned patterns we developed over the years, give our power away and not set appropriate boundaries. This season don’t let the same patterns repeat themselves.
Use this as an opportunity to shift things in your relationships and your life. Don’t allow anger or resentment to invade your space or steal your joy.
This could be a huge opportunity to improve relationships or reconnect with someone you care about. This is not about accepting unacceptable behavior, but connecting to your core values, feeling authentic, and living in joy. This is a season of hope. Imagine the possibilities.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23
Jesus was a great example of setting boundaries and practicing soul self-care. He stood strong with his boundaries, spoke the truth from the heart(even if others didn’t agree with him), and was strongly connected to his core values(He wasn’t influenced by others or trying to please them).
He put his personal needs as a priority without feeling guilty. Remember He withdrew from the crowds and would go the garden alone to pray.
The example of Jesus setting boundaries that stands out for me was when he cleared out the temple of vendors and money changers who were taking advantage of the poor and turning God’s house into a marketplace.(Matthew 21:12-17). He wasn’t afraid of standing up for what He believed.
I have found both in my personal experience and working with clients that fear keeps us from having those difficult conversations and setting boundaries. It’s fear of the other person’s reaction and fear of disappointing.
The quality of our relationships is deeply connected to the types of conversations we’re having and the boundaries we are setting.
Quite often I have seen my clients holding onto resentment in their relationships and they realized that they waited too long to have the conversation. The person involved had no idea that they were upset about that particular issue.
The key to great relationships is good communication and setting healthy boundaries.
Where in your life do you need to have that important conversation?
Our boundaries can really get compromised during this time of year. It can be a challenge to say NO. Take the time we need for ourselves and keep balance between work and all the family obligations.
Remember you always have a choice! Sometimes you need to make a brave decision. I recently had a client that chose not to attend a family party because it took her days to recuperate after the event. She wasn’t being selfish, but honoring her energy, boundaries, and values.
My words of encouragement:
1.Make a decision and discern where you need to set boundaries(or have a conversation). You may decide to withdraw from the crowd(that’s ok!)
2. Detach with compassion and speak your truth from the heart. Know that setting boundaries is not a selfish act, but it is honoring your own self-care.
3. Pray and ask Holy Spirit for divine guidance and protection.
4. Don’t take things personally and know that the other person’s reaction has nothing to do with you(that’s their stuff). Let go of any expectations .
5. Stand strong in your boundaries and connect to your core values. Don’t allow anyone or anything to steal your joy.(What brave decision do you need to make to honor your own energy, values, and selfworth?)
You are responsible for your own thoughts and behaviors. Keep in mind we can’t control the behavior of others, but we can control how we respond .
Make a brave choice to respond not react.
Remember personal boundaries are directly connected to living an authentic life. The stronger the boundaries you have, the stronger capacity you have to offer love, compassion, and empathy to others.
Merry Christmas and wishing you much joy!
Do you need some help creating boundaries in your life or business? Let’s have a quick chat: https://marthatassinari.com/contact/